By Carrie Fox
After the great chef and storyteller Anthony Bourdain passed away last week, his mother, Gladys Bourdain said in an interview with The New York Times that “he was absolutely the last person in the world I would have ever dreamed would do something like this.”
As a mother, that line sat heavy with me. How do you know if your child is pain, if they are not showing outward signs of it? How do you know if anyone close to you—a spouse, a sibling, a coworker—is dealing with mental health challenges? And are there ways to see or spot the signs that someone is struggling, perhaps for longer than we may have realized?
Suicide rates are climbing in nearly every demographic, age group and geographic area, according to new data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), but there’s so much that stands in our way as parents, friends, and colleagues, to do something about it when we think we see signs of someone struggling. Questions like “How do I raise this issue with someone in an appropriate way?”, “What if I’m wrong?”, and “When and how do I even think to say something?”, can often stop us before we start the conversation.
I thought about this a lot yesterday, as I had the opportunity to sit down with our dear friends at the Youth Mental Health Project, an incredible nonprofit founded and run by Randi Silverman and Wendy Ward, parents who believe that mental health is imperative to all health. The Youth Mental Health Project empowers young people, parents, and caring adults with practical knowledge, support, and resources they need to nurture their children’s mental health and intervene when they recognize warning signs.
Mission Partners helped The Youth Mental Health Project in its early stages of growth with scale, but I believe their impact on us was just as powerful.
Here’s a bit from their website:
Half of all cases of mental illness begin in childhood, according to the National Institute for Mental Health. As research has consistently proven, early detection and intervention dramatically improve the long-term outlook for anyone with a mental health disorder. In addition, early detection and treatment can prevent an escalation of symptoms and possible co-occurring disorders, which are oftentimes more difficult to treat. Stereotypes, discrimination and fear, however, cultivate deafening silence around youth mental health. This makes identification and treatment extremely difficult. Families cannot seek help for a problem if they do not know it exists.
The following excerpts are shared from the Youth Mental Health Project’s free online resource Mental Health 101: Talking with Kids, which can be downloaded here.
- How do I talk with my child about their concerns, and how do I know how much information they can actually handle?
You can begin by asking your children one or two open ended questions (e.g., What was the favorite part of your day today? What is one thing that has been on your mind lately? What do you think of what has been happening in the news lately?) Make certain to stop talking and listen carefully. Find out what their words mean to them.
- How do I know if my child is dealing with depression, vs. going through a period of sadness?
The fact is that children do not try to feel unhappy, so prolonged or frequent emotional discomfort may be a sign of depression. If you are concerned, it may make sense to keep a log of the frequency, duration, and intensity of your child’s feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. Also, keep note of your child’s ability to function. How often is your child unable or seemingly unwilling to do something or participate in an activity that seems typical or ordinary for other children the same age? The important thing to remember about depression is that the earlier it is recognized and treated, the better the outcome will be. Untreated depression can seriously impede functioning and healthy development and can lead to substance use, school avoidance or dropout, self-harm, and even suicide.
- How do I know if my child is struggling with their mental health to a degree that requires intervention?
Brain research has taught us that what our brains forget, our bodies don’t. For this reason, if your child is struggling, you may witness noticeable changes in your child’s behavior, social activities, academic performance, physical health, or appearance. Signs a child is struggling can include, but are not limited to: Disruption in sleep/nightmares, lack of motivation, inability to focus, connect, or control impulses, loss of appetite, changes in personal care, long-lasting, intense, painful emotions, Intense worry, Increased irritability, anger, or moodiness, feelings of worthlessness, increased stomachaches or other persistent unexplainable ailments, or Disinterest in extracurricular activities or too nervous to attend.
As Wendy and Randi say, “we all have mental health, and in these unsettling times, it is more important than ever to remember that caring for a child’s mental health is just as important as caring for their physical health. To learn more, or to download a copy of their resource guides, please visit ymhproject.org.