Have you ever found yourself in a position of needing to deliver feedback to an employee, a team, or a colleague, and clamming up at the idea of it?  If so, you’re far from alone.  According to a study published in the Harvard Business Review, nearly two thirds of all managers are uncomfortable communicating with their employees.

Pause on that with me for a moment: 69% of managers surveyed in a national poll of US adults reported feeling uncomfortable having conversations with employees. No wonder the Google results for “how to give feedback” return 178 million results.

So, today’s Finding the Words is about finding some key words—and strategies—to help you deliver more effective feedback: to your colleagues, your peers, and your manager, too.

It all comes down to the Three Cs: Be Clear, Be Candid, and Be Consistent:

• Be Clear:  I love Brene Brown and her “Clear is Kind” strategy for delivering feedback, which we employ regularly at Mission Partners. In Brene’s words, “Not getting clear with a colleague about your expectations because it feels too hard, yet holding them accountable or blaming them for not delivering what you expect is unkind.” So, what does that look like in practice? Being clear in feedback means being direct, rather than tiptoeing around a situation. Explain clearly what you observed or felt, and how this particular learning moment can translate to an opportunity for growth and learning across the team. When feedback is vague, it leaves people wondering what you’re getting at, which is neither clear nor kind.

• Be Candid. Humans learn best through stories. And when it comes to receiving feedback, stories can help us focus less on our perceived faults and more on a shared learning experience. So, before heading into a feedback conversation, think back to when you’ve struggled with a similar issue, and what you may have learned from that experience. How might your own learning moments serve as a device to support your colleague in this moment? And remember, one poor performance doesn’t make someone a poor performer. We all appreciate knowing that we’re not alone, and a candid story might help level the playing field and support a productive conversation, rather than a one-sided soliloquy.

• Be Consistent: According to a PwC survey, nearly 60% of employees report that they would like feedback on a daily or weekly basis—a number that increased to 72% for employees under age 30. The best feedback you can give is the feedback itself, but there’s a misnomer that feedback is inherently negative. Rather than associating feedback with criticism, think about feedback as a practice, meaning it is delivered regularly, clearly, and as often as possible. The best feedback is timely, not bundled up for quarter-end or year-end reviews.  If you can deliver feedback on a regular basis, by detailing what you see as working well, celebrating successes, and offering recommendations for improvement, then the harder feedback won’t feel as hard.

Bottom line: If you want the process of delivering feedback to serve as an opportunity to deepen trust, rather than to damage a relationship, then take time to understand the situation AND the person before rushing to assumptions or judgement. Perhaps what may have appeared on the surface as a missed deadline or poor performance had to do with something much deeper, such as someone distracted while tending to a sick loved one, balancing your task with another competing priority, or a mismatch of required skill sets. Ask open-ended questions that help inform how your colleague got here, before assuming you know those details or that you have all the answers.  Being clear, candid, and consistent can help move your fear of feedback to a practice of love.

Ready for more? Check out our blog on leading with empathy.

Enjoy this series? Let me know.

This is week 30 of the Finding The Words column, a series published every Wednesday that delivers a dose of communication insights direct to your inbox. If you like what you read, we hope you’ll subscribe to ensure you receive this each week.